7 Shades of Grey... and White

Different shades of white and gray were used in this paint strip. Their names were Quiet White, Mountain Ash Gray, Pocket Full of White, Cut Crystal, Silver Celesta, Japanese Windflower, and Jeweler's Lavender Gem. The picture below is a Japanese Windflower.

Quiet White clouds float by

as we lay on the Mountain, Ash Gray.

Cold as a Pocket Full of White snow.

The corners of your smile could Cut Crystal.

Your laugh spilling out like a Silver Celesta.

and as contagious as a Japanese Windflower.

We were as prized as the Jewelers Lavender Gem.

Minty Green

I hate the winter

But minty gum tastes better then

Has a cooler taste

"I Can Fly"

I love to travel. I like being surrounded by strangers and strange places. I like to learn the history or fill in the blank spaces of the stories myself. I like people watching so the airport is the promised land. With all the people rushing around there is so much to think about. I like thinking about where they're going. What are these peoples stories, their pasts, and futures? The guy in the suit talking on the phone hurriedly. The mom yelling at her kids to quit lollygagging as they knock their suitcases into each other. The family speaking to one another in a language that is foreign to me. It's easy to forget your own life and problems when you can focus on others or imagine stories. I also just simply like the thought of being somewhere different. I like being places where no one knows me. Sometimes when I see an airplane in the sky I feel my heart sink and a gnawing, longing feeling to be on an airplane too.

Spork

My inability to grow up is my kryptonite.

It’s not even in the cute, quirky way where I’m “not like other girls.” I just refuse to accept the responsibilities of growing up. Getting a job, applying to colleges, cleaning, or even THINKING about those types of things send my brain into a frenzy. I sometimes find myself relating to Holden Caulfield (not the snarky and lying part) and that is a scary thing. I want to do these things but my inner child is begging me to avoid them at any cost. So while avoiding my demons I soothe myself with easy thoughts like the simplicity of childhood. I find extreme comfort in the things that seemed meaningless while I was a kid. Like the dumb spork I found in the mud around the playground. Microsoft is telling me that spork is not a word but it is a very real combination of a spoon and fork. It seems like an object of little importance, and it probably is, but we don’t have sporks in high school. That makes me kind of sad. Who knows when the next time I’ll use a spork will be. Anyways, I cling to everything that reminds me of times without responsibility. So whatever weird attachment I have with the spork is just me pretending that life isn’t about to get harder.

I often imagine I have the remote control from the movie Click and think about rewinding and pausing my life. I just realized that I’ve never really thought about fast forwarding my life… That probably speaks volumes about me. It kind of bugs my parents too. One night while I was in my bed pretending to be asleep I heard my dad and my uncle, who was visiting, talking in the living room. My dad told my uncle how it worried him that every time he tried talking to me about college I would shut down and get frustrated. I felt a little bad after that but I can’t get over this crippling fear. I feel like my friends and peers have it all figured out or just don’t worry about it as much as I do. I get a headache just thinking about it. The weird thing about it is that I can’t WAIT to move out and get away. I want to be on my own. I. Want. These. Things. I’m just too much of a wiener to do anything. It might all come from my lack of self-confidence. I’m confident socially and talking to people but I’m not confident in myself or my abilities. I think a lot of girls feel this way but aren’t really willing to admit it. I might just be scared that I’m not good enough for a job or smart enough for college (based on all these grammatical errors you might agree). I don’t have any clue what I want to be when I’m older so when college applications ask me what I want to major in WHAT DO I SAY?? “I would like to professionally read and eat Panda Express for the rest of my life” Oh well, I’ll figure it out eventually.

End note: I’m a girl version of Peter Pan, without the lost boys. Or any boys for that matter.

I am Leslie

I am…

a daughter, a friend, a sister, and a student.

a lot more than those things.

I am...

constantly in an uncomfortable reading position

always thinking way too far into things

usually thinking about different outcomes

changing myself and adapting to different social environments

writing pointless rants that are borderline journal entry material and simultaneously hating writing research papers.

extremely opinionated but also always open to new ideas

excited to learn but very specific about what. People, places, STORIES, religions, cultures, lifestyles.

an adamant believer that people can change for the better and that there is always room for improvement

very avid that word choice changes the paper or story

purposefully attentive when listening to others

an extreme lover of Oreos

always aware of what is going on around me

constantly wanting to absorb all the information I can for future reference. Except when it comes to math.

very scared of birds. Very.

consistently forgetting the point of my rant halfway through it

Infatuated by every aspect of music. Playing, writing, listening.

annoyingly making jokes out of serious situations

wishing to learn a different language, live in a city, travel, learn, write, live.